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Anakin's wrath

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Anakin Skywalker attacks and kills the Tusken raiders
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seanbutler397's avatar

I don't really blame him for handling his anger in that way. Maybe you haven't gone so big before. But we've all gone big before on some level or another.

It's pretty clear, he's angry. It's not just anger though, is it? What is he actually feeling? Grief, loss, helplessness. And it manifests as anger. In your life what manifests as anger that should be manifest as vulnerability? Anger pushes people away. Whether we lash out or we show our anger by withdrawing and holding back and shutting down. Either way it hurts our relationships. What is needed?

Now in the case of "I'm surrounded by Sand People who killed my mom and I've got a lightsaber", maybe that's a different situation. But in most of our relationships, what is needed is not our anger. It's our vulnerability. It's our truth. It's our honesty. And what that looks like is quite simple. It's saying what you're feeling. Oftentimes people say, "I feel," and then they go on to talk about what they're thinking. "I feel like we should go out for pizza tonight, and here's why. This pizza place has the best crust, duh, duh, duh." Those aren't feelings, those are thoughts. Expressing feeling is, "I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed."

These are the things we express because those emotions expressed. Sure, it may not have 100% success rate in bringing people closer, but it's a lot more successful than lashing out in anger.